Accepting Rejection: Wisdom from Five Decades of Writing Journey

Experiencing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, delivering a firm “Nope.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I began submitting articles half a century past, upon finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. In the last 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a rejection frequently—adding up to over 100 annually. In total, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions in a row before approving one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my manuscript before someone accepted it. Later on, 25 literary agents rejected a project. An editor suggested that I submit my work less often.

My Steps of Rejection

Starting out, every no were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? How could editors be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Maybe they rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become any good.

This continued for decades.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was at first turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had previously lost races. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, when I entered my later years, I achieved the last step of setback. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or have something in progress, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is uninteresting. Or the reader believes I am not qualified or standing to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission too quickly to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are forever beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are within it. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at older—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have featured in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

However, no major hits, no book signings in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily accept rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I acquired?

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